I think what stands out as a common thread between these pieces, and also the element most relatable to what I already understand, is that growth is an extremely uncomfortable process. It's even painful at times, or maybe "cringe-worthy." It's pretty excellent advice, in my opinion, to lean into that feeling of cringiness, or dissonance, or whatever you want to call it. Instead of cutting out things that give you that feeling, dig your heels in and get to the heart of it. In other words, refuse to placate yourself.
Myers' ideas about "outlaw emotions" makes me think about bell hooks and her consciousness raising groups. If silence is the thing that keeps us viewing these emotions as solitary, unrelatable experiences, then pointing at the emotion and calling it by name is necessarily a powerful act. I think it's like what Sue Miller calls "facing your dragon." Find the painful nugget at the center of the piece and scream at it until you feel better. Regret feels like failure feels like embarrassment -- I can't think of anything more dragon-y than that.
I spent most of last summer fine-tuning my Peace Corps application, and based on my usual golden child status, felt like I had a reasonable chance of being accepted. I've wanted to join for the majority of my life, and have met with recruiters, gained experience teaching in foreign countries, etc. So when I was rejected a few days before Thanksgiving, my life kind of felt like it flipped out of order.
Metanoia to me is like dropping some papers on the ground, picking them up, reading them in their new order and realizing that there's potential in getting your hands dirty/messing things up a little. It's kind of hard to make sense of these concepts in concrete terms, so I don't know if that metaphor really follows. All I know is that I ended up being pretty thankful for that rejection by the Peace Corps; things tend to happen the way they're supposed to, and it's up to us as writers to figure out how to put abstract ideas in their place, and to pull meaning from pain and disappointment.
I love the metaphor of metanoia as "dropping some papers on the ground, picking them up, reading them in their new order and realizing there's potential..." I think that's it exactly. It captures both the feelings of regret (shit, I should have dropped those papers, and I'll never get them in order again), and kairos, which sees the paper-dropping as an opportunity to seize.
ReplyDeleteDrawing from the "Emotional Work of Revision" article, you also write about the importance of leaning into "cringeiness." As a reviser, what are your sources of cringe? What does it mean to lean into them?
When I write a personal essay or memoir that makes me cringe, I usually want to scrap the whole thing and never show it to anybody. But if I force myself to locate the source (over-sentimentality, for example) then I stand a chance of not only saving the piece, but avoiding that cringiness in further writing. More than just avoiding something, I get an opportunity to grow new skills, or expand on my existing ones, if that makes sense.
DeleteHi Elise, thanks for your post. I'm with Dr. Ballenger - your metaphor tickles me too. I don't think all the concepts apply to all pieces we write, but there are many concepts and theories to revision, and I look at it like a tool box, where I used to stress and think I needed to apply every tool I could think of at once - very overwhelming. I try to use tools as necessary and needed and know that they don't all have to be implemented at once. I'm sorry to hear about your Peace Corps rejection :-(
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