All of the ghouls come out to play

This week’s title is from “Shake It Out” by Florence + The Machine!

Writing is very unsettling. I think that’s partly why I’m so drawn to the process. I have never felt entirely secure in my life, so I guess it makes sense to dedicate myself to a craft that continuously makes me feel uneasy! Of course, this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Anything too easy isn’t worth doing. I've loved writing for as long as I can remember, and it will never stop being a challenge for me, but it’s a fun challenge. Usually. Sometimes it’s harder than anything.

I’m not saying I never feel confident or happy about my own writing, but it’s an eternal struggle: a struggle typically linked to my own feelings of inadequacy, not my capability as a writer. Reading “The Emotional Work of Revision” left me feeling particularly exposed, like a lot of our other readings in this class.

“Many experienced student writers believe in the revision process and they have every intention of embracing the dissonance, but they struggle with execution . . . this disconnect can then lead to feelings of dissonance in their writerly identities, a tension between who they are and who they want to be as writers.” (2) 

This is such an accurate description of my insecurities as a writer! I'm optimistic and confident about revision as a concept and I usually don’t have a problem changing my work. However, with bigger pieces that I’m more emotionally invested in, revision is a huge source of anxiety and self-doubt. I relate to Aiden’s struggle with not being able to trust herself to make big changes. I can usually power through this if I need to, though. I try to listen to my instincts. This is why I also relate to Sherry’s experience of using “cringe moments” as a “gauge” to tell which parts of her writing need more work.

I think another reason why I’m so drawn to writing is the chance for new beginnings. No matter how unhappy I feel about what I’ve written in the past, I can always keep going. “Metanoic Movement” is a fascinating exploration of regret in writing. I love this idea of accepting regret and using the experience to transform and push yourself forward, but I’ve never really thought about it within the context of the writing process. I do know that with writing and with anything else, regrets are just as important as opportunities. We learn and grow from regret and failure.

“Seized and missed moments can thus hold equal weight, as both are necessary for creating change (externally and internally).” (394)

Focusing entirely on regrets is paralyzing. Focusing entirely on opportunities is unbearable. Metanoia interests me because it encapsulates opportunity, regret, and transformation. Like Kelly Myers says, regret and opportunity are two sides of the same coin. One can't exist without the other. I think my discomfort with writing and my love of writing are also two sides of the same coin. It's a struggle but it's always worth it!