I have been grappling with the concept of self-alienation since reading Freud and Lacan in Literary Criticism last semester. In my understanding, we view ourselves from a distance, influenced by the world (the other) and our place in it, and this image is our ego. Didion offers an eloquent, emotional perspective of self-alienation and what she conceptualizes as self-respect that could reconcile this duality. For Didion, self-respect concerns a private recollection, a certain toughness, a moral nerve, a discipline, a habit of mind. It is about accepting the consequences of one's own life, because "anything worth having has its price" (217). This quote was especially striking,
"However long we postpone it, we eventually lie down alone in that notoriously uncomfortable bed, the one we make ourselves. Whether or not we sleep in it depends, of course, on whether or not we respect ourselves" (216).
The quote is chilling and resonates on a personal level. I'm sure anyone can recall a time they were restless in bed, but I believe the most meaningful phrase is 'the one we make ourselves.' Didion's point is we have to be unapologetic in manifesting our inner truth to reality and accept the consequences of our actions. This is difficult, and hiding the truth is easy. The paragraph staring with 'Like Jordan Baker' on page 216 tells examples of hiding, of not standing up and facing one's own consequences like complaining of unfairness, etc.
"To lack [self-respect] is to be locked within oneself, paradoxically incapable of either love or indifference" (218). This makes sense to me because I have personally experienced unsustainable relationships where I played a role doomed to failure before it even begun. I lacked self-respect and I was not honest with myself from the inside out. My inner truth was not reflected in my actions, I was submissive. I felt false accommodating while resentful on the inside, and I would often complain of unfairness. But that was my own fault, because I helped establish those kind of relationship norms, I was not honest with myself and I did not accept the consequences for my actions. I feel like this was the perfect time to read "On Self-Respect" by Joan Didion.
These are all wonderful insights! I love this article and I love to hear how people connect with it. You make a really salient and humble point where you recognize how your own lack of self-respect and honesty inhibited you; typically when I hear that I immediately think of all the times other people did things I thought were degrading and frustrated /me/, so I don't know what that says, haha.
ReplyDeleteAddie,
ReplyDeleteI always love reading your posts and insight into things. I too felt much the same way as you did about this piece and Didion's ideology and beliefs. I too struggle with the aspect of respecting myself and my abilities. The natural self-critic in me wants to criticize and I often find myself getting lost within my own writing and work because of my lack of self respect and confidence in my abilities.